My first and last visit
by kawaii.chiisa.neko
Summary: River sends the Doctor to see Amy in 2087. I'm sorry my description skills suck. It's chock full of feels though Have fun


Getting old.

It's a pretty weird thing. You start life off depending on people, your parents or guardian; year by year you progress and become more and more independent; but slowly you begin to depend on people once again. "Aging isn't for the old!" An old man once told me on one of my many travels.

I wouldn't know, I will (probably) never have to experience aging. In all of my 900 years the only thing I have personally experienced to aging is regenerating. In some ways my immortality is a gift, exploring the multiverse with my companions, discovering new planets, saving planets from whatever it was trying to destroy them. Immortality is a gift, a blessing, but most of all a curse.

You heard me right. A curse. I may be able to live forever, but my companions on my adventures and expeditions, they're mere humans. Humans are mortal, prone to aging, and eventually death. Of the thousands of species of creatures I have met in my 900 years, humans are by far the easiest for me to connect with and get along with. All of my companions have been humans, and sooner or later they all died. Of natural causes, of course.

But I have never went to a single funeral or seen any of them before they died. Sometimes I try to force myself to go see them, in their caskets or on their deathbeds. But I can never bring myself to do it. I can't bare to see them withered and dying, when I knew them in the prime time of their short lives.

I stepped up to the controls of the tardis, lights flashed in my eyes, whirring noises filled my ears. I clenched my hand around the piece of paper in my hand that was given to me by my wife. It was weird to consider her my wife, by human standards it wasn't much of a marriage because we didn't live together and barely saw each other unless we happened to cross paths in some time period or another.

The paper. I wished I could change what was on it, or maybe just make it not happen all together. But unfortunately, even though I am a time lord, I cannot.

I look at the piece of crumbled, slightly damp with sweat, paper. _May 12, 2087 Leadworth, Scotland_. It said in my spouse's signature neat handwriting, at the bottom she tacked on _be there._

I groaned slightly and my fingers hovered over the buttons on the blue box. "Should I go?" I mumbled. "Well.. why shouldn't I go? On that, why should I go? We haven't talked in over 70 earth years! She probably doesn't even remember me." I flipped the paper over, _I mean it_. It read. I sighed. I knew I had to be there. I knew what I put her and her husband through. I knew I owed it to her and him.

"Come on now! You're the doctor! You're not afraid of anything!" I said valiantly.

_Then why aren't you starting up the Tardis? Why aren't you on your way there now?_ My conscience said. _If you're not afraid of anything, you shouldn't be afraid of seeing her._

"Shut up you." I grumbled, fingers still hovering over the controls. I turned and cast my hands in the air. "Alright then! I'll just go for a few minutes. She'll probably be sleeping. She won't even know I'm there." I smiled with the genius of my new plan.

I quickly walked back to the controls of the Tardis and put the time and place in. As the blue box started warming up it made various different noises. I smiled at the familiar sounds, "Wibbly wobbly timey wimey." I said under my breath as I felt the machine lerch and shoot forward. I walked to the one window and looked out at the Black hole that was consuming the blue box I was in, transporting me to a different universe and planet. I looked at all the colours, neons, pastels, and primary, shooting at warp speed out of my vision just as quickly as they came in. I walked away from the window to sit in a particularly comfortable armchair, and read a book about the life of pie. But it was spelt Pi, and the book had nothing to do with the human dessert I had come to love.

Soon the Tardis started to slow down. I walked over to the window once again; The Earth, all 196,950,000 square miles of it, floated in space. Even in the year 2087, not much had changed. Water still dominated the planet (maybe a little more than it had in 2012); lights on the coasts were still visible from space; America still a superpower; Brits still loved tea. I smiled at the little planet, happy to see that its inhabitants were still living. Thriving at that.

The Tardis flew closer to the planet and I could see waves crashing on the vast oceans. I'm sure if I looked hard enough I could see the Eiffel Tower in France. But before I got the chance the Tardis changed paths, curving more toward Scotland.

I swallowed and my palms became sweaty. Not sure if I was ready, I looked back at the controls of the Tardis. Startled I blinked hard.

"Hello Honey." said the blonde woman standing in front of the controls.

"River? How… How did you get on the Tardis without my noticing.

She smirked, "Do you really want to know?" I shook my head, "I thought not."

"What are you doing here? I thought you were working with the Bishop on a weeping Angel infestation." I said, quirking an eyebrow.

She walked over to my armchair and sat down, taking a pipe from her pocket and putting it in her mouth. "You were thinking about leaving weren't you?"

"You took up smoking? You know how bad that is for you, don't you? It'll ruin your lungs." I said avoiding her question.

"No, the pipe is just for show. Nice, isn't it? I got it from a man on a near desolate planet. He was the only one there, spent his days making these by hand- I know what you're doing here, Love. It's not going to work." She got up and walked over to me. "You're not going to run off anywhere. You're going to Scotland to visit, and there's nothing you can do to get out of it!"

_Afraid of nothing but my wife._ I thought. She had a glint of something in her eyes, what it was I couldn't identify before it went away again.

I put my hands in the air as a sign of defense, "Fine, fine. I'll go. But I'm not staying for long!"

She smiled, "Good. Now go." River opened the door of the Tardis and pushed me out. I fell on soft, wet, green grass. "I'm not letting you in until you go see her."

"That's not fair! That's my blue box, not yours!" I whined, getting up and brushing myself off.

River winked and started closing the door. "See you soon, Love." She said, closing the door completely. I heard the snap of the lock.

Groaning inwardly I turned around and started walking down the street toward Shady Oak's retirement home. People looked at me funny, probably not use to seeing a pink bowtie and a fez on somewhat formal attire. It was 2087, they probably wore chrome trainers.

Upon reaching the facility I looked around. Flowers lined the all of the buildings, a quaint little gazebo was in the middle of the courtyard that the buildings surrounded. The buildings themselves were bland and lifeless looking, all the same colour, all the same size. The only thing different were the labels on each of the buildings.

_I wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this.._. I thought, walking into the building titled Intensive Care. The inside was just as lifeless as the outside. White walls, off white floor, white fluorescent lights, doctors in white lab coats and white shoes, nurses in white scrubs, patients in white gowns. _How do people not go insane in this place? _I wondered, feeling the insanity already sinking in.

Looking up I saw a nurse walking toward me, I put on a smile.

"Can I help you sir?" She asked, she had a slight Scottish accent.

"Uh, yes. I'm looking for room…." I took out the paper from my pocket, "209."

Her mousey face lit up, "So you're here to see Mrs. Williams? Wonderful! She never has visitors anymore. I'm sure she will be happy to see you Mr- er- what's your name?"

I smiled and straightened my bowtie, "Call me Doctor."

A expression of surprise crossed the little mousey face, "Oh, you must be the specialist we called in. Please, come this way." She said and started walking down the hall to the elevator. I took this time to get a good look at her.

She could not be taller than 5 feet, just the fact that she was so short made her waist length, straight, red hair look extremely long. She limped a little bit when she walked, trying to take her weight off her left leg. _Well that's odd… She's a nurse, you would've thought that she could find a way to keep from limping._ I shrugged inwardly.

_Specialist for what? _I wondered fixing my bowtie once again as we came to a plain white door. White white white._What is with hospitals and this damned colour?_ I thought irritated.

The nurse knocked on the door, "Mrs. Williams? You have a visitor." she said quietly.

"I have a what? A Misor? I don't need a damned misor!" A voice yelled from inside the room. It was a paper thin voice, one that seemed that it would break if she spoke anymore.

"No ma'am… Not a Misor. A visitor." The nurse said a little louder.

"Oh? A visitor? Come in then!"

The nurse turned and gave me a tired smile, "Right this way Doctor." she said leading me through the white door frame.

Upon entry I could see that the white room was sparsely decorated. A few pictures were hung on the white walls, a small white recliner was in the corner of the room, white tiled floor, even the bloody TV was white!

_Is there anything in this bloody room that isn't white?_ I thought, now mildy concerned for the patients on behalf of the hospital's unhealthy obsession with the colour white.

"Who are you?" A voice said. I stopped looking around the room long enough to look at who was speaking to me. In the white hospital bed lay a withered old woman. Her long grey hair was braided over her left shoulder, just touching where I imagine her belly button would be; her now grey eyes a far cry from the stunning hazel they were when she was younger; pale cheeks sunken in; every joint on her body stuck out; frail hands were folded neatly on her lap that was being covered by a colourful sewn quilt.

"Finally, some colour." I said outloud.

"What?" the nurse asked confused.

"Er-nevermind." I said, "Would you mind if I had a few minutes alone with Mrs. Williams? I need to assess her condition."

The nurse smiled and nodded, "Of course Doctor." she said, gathering some papers from the end of the bed and walking out of the room.

When the door clicked shut I turned to the old woman in the bed, "Hello Amy." I said quietly.

"Hello… Doctor," Old Amy said in a sort of daze.

I smiled and sat down on a chair next to her bed, "Where is Rory?"

The smile dropped from her face, "Rory? Who's that?"

_What_. I thought deadpan. I pulled my Sonic Screwdriver and shined it in her eyes. When I looked at it the results shocked me. I quickly got up and took the clipboard off the end of the bed. Scanning the single sheet of paper that was on the clipboard, quickly finding the word I was afraid of.

_Dementia._

I sluggishly put the clipboard back where it was, and walked back to the seat next to Amy's bed. I plopped down on the chair and buried my face in my hands.

_That's why she didn't recognize me. That's why River sent me here_. I thought miserably. I looked up at the withered old lady sitting in the bed beside me. She looked like she was in la-la-land; her mouth was slightly ajar and her grey eyes were glazed over. I looked at her arm and saw a long bandage. "Amy, what happened there?" I pointed to her arm.

She frowned slightly, a crease forming between her eyebrows. She tilted her head to the side as if confused.

I sighed heavily and swiftly got up from my chair and bolted out the door to find the nurse that had taken me to Amy's room. I found her sitting in the middle of the completely white nurses station, the top of her red hair the only piece of colour there.

"Ma'am could you tell me what happened to Mrs. Po- Mrs. Williams arm? The left one?" I asked leaning on the white counter.

She pulled a file from a filing cabinet and flipped a few pages before finding what she was looking for. "Oh yes. That was from a few weeks ago. She fell outside. Scratched up her arms on the pavement." She looked at the paper again, "It was when she loss all mobility in her legs."

I stared at the piece of paper was in front of the nurse, "Amy? Are you sure?" She nodded and put the folder away as I walked back to Amy's desolate white room. Amy sat in her bed staring at her arm with a dazed expression plastered on her face.

"Is there something wrong, Doctor?" She asked smiling.

I shook my head, "No.. Not at all." I ran my fingers through my non-ginger hair. "Amy… Do you not recognize me?" I asked her, sitting back in the uncomfortable chair.

She squinted her pale gray eyes at me, trying really hard to remember who this strange man was.

_Please Amy. We traveled together for so long. Don't say you don't remember me_. I thought, my thoughts pleading.

But she shook her head.

"Sorry Doctor," She said, "I don't remember you… were you the doctor from a few weeks ago that bandaged my arm?"

I shook my head. "No… no that wasn't me…" I sighed. Reaching into the inside breast pocket of my jacket I pulled out a picture and handed it to Amy. She took it in her frail grip and studied it curiously. I watched her face, her sickly features contorted into confusion.

"W..what is this?" she asked.

"It's a picture. It was taken a little over 60 years ago." I said, fixing my bowtie again.

Her eyes widened slightly. "But you… look the same now…. as in the picture!" she exclaimed in her old lady voice.

I smiled, "Yes. I do." I said. I stood up to take my leave, grabbing my fez off the night table as I walked to the white door. I stopped, my hand on the doorknob, and turned back to Amy. "Goodbye Amy." With a small, sad smile playing on my lips I turned and opened the door, walking out and leaving Amy looking at the picture of Rory, her, and I in the Tardis.

_Damn you River_. I thought walking down the white hallway. I clenched my fists in my pockets. _Why did you send me here if you knew that Amy wasn't going to remember me? I couldn't even find Rory. _I seethed in my mind. I continued walking down the hallway, the white hallway. I swear, I could feel what little of my remaining sanity slowly drain away.

When I was almost to the door, someone grabbed my arm. I turned around in a state of quiet alarm to see the none other than the nurse who led me to Amy's room. "Can I help you, Love?"

She nodded, "Mrs. Williams needs to see you. She said it's urgent." The little redhead said, leading me back to the room. Once we were there she opened the door and let me in.

I looked around the white room before laying my eyes on a wet eyed, slightly red-in-the-face Amy. I heard the door click softly behind me.

Amy looked at me with soft, wet, grey eyes. "D-doctor? Is that you?" she asked. Her words were coming in short tired gasps.

Slowly I walked back to the chair beside her bed, putting my fez on the bedside table and straightening my bowtie as I did so. I took her cold, thin, frail hands into mine, and smiled, "Yes, Amy it's me."

She made a small 'o' with her mouth, that quickly grew into what could be called a smile. "I… haven't seen you in…years." she said, taking breaths between every few words.

I smiled sadly, "Over 65 actually." I said.

She lifted her hand to my face and placed it on my cheek. I could feel her shaking with the effort. "You haven't… aged a day…"

I nodded and blinked, "I know." We sat like that in silence for a few minutes before Amy spoke up again.

"Where… have you been… all this time?"

"Traveling. Saving planets, people, and other forms of life." I smiled at her, "You know, wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff." She giggled. I watched as she coughed up a lung, covering her mouth as she did so with a tiny hand. I sighed, "Amy… I'm sorry for just up and leaving like I did. I thought you and Rory would have been safer with me not around."

Amy put her hand gently over my mouth. "Shh." she said. "No excuses… Doctor. Did you… know Rory died? He… died a few years ago… In the garden… of a heart attack…"

I looked up, Amy's eyes were filled with tears. Those tears streamed down her face, each one falling like a ball of liquid crystal slowly making their way down her paper thin cheeks. I reached up and brushed them away with my finger tips. Taking a shaky breath I gently took hold of her hand again, "I'm sorry Amy. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I should have been there."

"Tut tut tut… now Doctor. You couldn't… have stopped it… You can't… stop death…" she said. She looked up at the ceiling, smiling, "Can you tell… River that… I love her? She… never visits anymore…"

I nodded my head, "Yes of course. I can go get her if you want. She's just out in the Tardis."

Amy shook her head softly, "No.. no… she stopped by just before you… to say… goodbye."

"Goodbye?" I asked, almost choking on my own words.

Amy smiled and nodded, she laid back on the mountain of pillows. "The doctors…. not you… but the other ones… gave me til today…to live. About… a month ago."

I swallowed thickly, "Amy.. why didn't you send for me earlier?"

"I didn't want to.. worry you… Or distract… you from saving… someone…" she said simply.

"Stupid Amy. Always putting others before you. You wouldn't have bothered me at all. Yes I would've been worried, but that's okay." I looked at her. She was looking at me and smiling.

"I couldn't… even… remember you… when you.. got here." she coughed violently for a few seconds. I sat on the edge of my seat grasping her tiny hand has hard as I dared.

She moved one of her fingers to draw my attention, "I'm so glad… I got to see you… one.. last… time…" She said, her voice wind chimey and faint. She smiled again, the biggest and happiest one I had seen her have since I arrived, and then the remaining life in her eyes went out.

I sat in that white chair, in that white room, in that white hospital, holding the pale hand of one of the best friends I had ever had in all my years.

**And for the first time in all my 900 years, I sat, and I cried.**


End file.
